Why I Don't Want Children | Refusing To Bow Down To Society's Ideals | How Our Generation Is Changing Everything.

Sunday, 25 March 2018

It’s as if there’s a sign on every woman which says, “I am female so I must find a mate and reproduce and get married and buy a dog and a five-door car and get a good job…” It simply must be the case judging by the amount of times I’ve been asked if I’m having children or if I want them.

Apparently I just haven’t found the right man and, as soon as I do, I’ll change my mind and want children immediately. Funny that, because I’ve never had a single maternal urge in the whole of my life! Apart from when I held a newborn puppy but that’s different, I am the least maternal person you could actually meet; I cringe at the mere sight or sound of a child in the vicinity and I feel like the thought of it actually makes my womb contract and my ovaries shut down. I have little to no patience and the thought of giving over my body, one of which I've worked so hard to achieve, over to another human for 9 months, never mind having to work hard to snap back into my size 12's within months of giving birth just isn't for me. I can't see myself ever completely giving myself over to someone else like that, even though with children it's different, apparently. You could call me selfish but each woman is allowed to make her own decisions and this is one I've made for myself and one I refuse to apologise for. 

I am absolutely sick to death of people assuming that I want to have children and that I’m being mean by depriving my sister of becoming an Auntie. Well sorry but I’m not some sort of factory, used to produce a child just to suit everyone else. I have grown up feeling this way and have had 34 years to get used to it, so don’t you think if I wanted a child I would have one by now or at least be on the way to be having my own family!?

In the same way there are women who have the urge and make it known on the first date they can’t possibly date someone who doesn’t want children; I would have to make it very clear that I do not. I really don’t know why everyone says that I should be having children. It must just be because I have a womb, ovaries and a pair of boobs. I often wonder if men ever have this question thrust at them at every single opportunity. I don’t think so.

A quick online search brings up many articles stating the reasons as to why more and more women are shunning motherhood or indeed putting it off until later whilst they climb the career ladder and achieve in settings different to those in which our mothers and grandmothers excelled. Women today are facing more hardships at work than ever before, working longer and harder for not much return which is another reason as to why some are putting off motherhood until they've achieved a higher position at work and can afford (in monetary terms) the maternity leave. The economic landscape is very different today to what it was say 10 years ago which is a contributing factor to women having to work harder and longer to achieve the same level their parent's did in a much shorter time period. 

There are also women who are shunning the traditional 9-5 in favour of being their own boss, becoming girl bosses, entrepreneurs, travel writers, full time bloggers and youtubers. A less stable career yes but one where women are excelling and planning their own futures instead of having it dictated to them by society. Choosing to make their own money in their own way and I for one am with them, why should we live by the rules laid down by generations before us? Ones which by our standards are outdated and no longer fit into how we live, our financial climates or the ways we choose to live our lives. 

Maybe times are changing, perhaps becoming a mother isn’t the be all and end all for women any more? Perhaps now they are seeing a different ending to their story and are carving out a career path which will lead them to having more free time and income to be able to spend how they wish. Not that there's anything wrong with motherhood, far from it. I think it’s a wonderful thing to do and I applaud any woman who decides to settle down and start a family. However, as far as I’m concerned, I’m happy to play the doting Aunt, the one who gets the kids into trouble with their parents and gets to hand them back at the end of the day.

That’ll do for me.

Love, Sarah

*First seen on The Olive Fox - altered to original piece. 

Post a comment

Please feel free to leave a comment, I love to know what people think about my posts xo